A Blur

Days turn into nights turn into days, and we remain exactly where we are. This is not to moan of course, there are many in life threatening and life ending situations. It doesnt stop the brain from taking regular pot shots at your self though. We have, to all intents and purposes, been cast aside by the government. We have no financial assistance available to us whatsoever. In my case, the work of 14 years could be about to disappear completely. What to do? As a creative person, then I suppose….create? But what and how? My thought processes turn to mush as soon as I start. As a solitary person, I cannot comprehend why this is hitting me as it is. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep? the endless night last night where all my Demons came to haunt me, and eventually allowed my a fitful couple of hours. The feeling of anger at myself for not getting up earlier and getting on with things…what things my brain doesnt tell me that. Anxiety levels are high where they are not usually, and all for what? Have we been let down badly by government? Is it another in a long line of catastrophic decisions? Im sure they all care, surely they do? But to be left without the capacity to test ourselves is proving to be the greatest test of all. I cannot see beyond today, which is not a nice place to be. Quiet frustration and worry are turning to thoughts of anger. I hope this is just a singular expression. If many feel this way, then the situation has the potential of worsening. We are being watched and monitored and restricted, and judged. This is a very unhealthy place to be and yet, I think most of us can see the necessity…to a point. We have all become scientific experts in a world where experts have been spurned. We make up our own facts, and shout at others with different facts. We are nearly half way through this national “grounding”…if as expected, that there will be another national isolation, then I suspect that half way through that one will be the breaking point for many. I hope I am wrong.